Hi, Steve Kirsh and Yogi here with… Hi Yoges, good boy. …with the answer to today’s adoption question. The question is: “What’s the second most often cited reason for a woman giving up her baby for adoption, or placing her baby for adoption, or making an adoption plan for the baby?”
(DISCLAIMER) All expectant moms. all birth moms, all adoptive parents, all adoption professionals know that the main reason, the reason that is true in every case, for a woman proceeding with an adoption, or placing her baby for adoption, or giving up her baby for adoption, is that she loves her child and that she wants more for her child then she can provide at that moment in her life. We have talked about this a lot in Kirsh & Kirsh videos, and on our website, and everywhere.
There is another reason. A second reason, that for a lot of moms is equally as compelling and the reason that a lot of them don’t want to even say out loud, but in my view it is absolutely true. And that is, that they, the birth mom, that they, the expectant mom still have things that they want to do in their life that they are not going to be able to do if they have the responsibility of personally caring for a child And that is a good reason.
I once saw a poster, of a pregnant woman, with her arm on her stomach. The caption read, “it is like being grounded for 18 years.” Being a parent is more than 18 years of commitment. My youngest child is 31 years old. My wife and I are still parenting him. My oldest is almost 40 and we are still parenting him too. Parenting is a life long obligation and a life long commitment, and a young mom, and I am not just talking about teenagers, but even someone in their early twenties, maybe late twenties, there is still a lot that they can accomplish in their lives if they did not have the responsibility of taking care of the baby.
Now, I am not suggesting that that is the best reason to proceed with an adoption. I think that you have to ultimately, you the expectant mom, birth mom, you have to believe that adoption is the best way for your baby to have the life, the future and opportunities that you want your child to have, but it is also OK for you to think, “the adoption gives me a chance to realize my own hopes and dreams.” That is a really strong reason, and something you shouldn’t think you are being selfish for thinking about.
I hope that is helpful. Yogi and I are always here to answer questions as you have them.