Hi, Steve Kirsh and Yogi here with the answer to today’s adoption question. The question is, “I am an expectant mom, I have picked a set of adoptive parents, and I want to know, when the baby is born, do I get to name the baby?”
Yes, and no. Yes, you get to name the baby on the baby’s original birth certificate, but that is not necessarily the name the adoptive parents are going to choose.
Well, some birth moms have said to me, “Well Steve, if I am giving birth to the baby, why don’t I get to name the baby and why won’t the adoptive parents use the name I chose? It is really important to me that they do so.” A birth mom who choices the name for her baby choices the name that is meaningful to her.
Adoptive parents, as the new parents to the baby, would choice a name that is meaningful to them. As the adoptive parents, they get to make all kinds of parenting decisions. In fact, nearly all parenting decisions for the child, including the naming of the baby.
When a mother, a birth mother, places her baby for adoption, she is giving up her parenting rights, and one of those rights is the right to name the baby.
Now, my experience is that is usually not a “deal-breaker,” I hate to use those words, for a birth mom. If her reasons are valid for proceeding with an adoption, whether or not she chooses to name the baby, or gets to name the baby, shouldn’t impact that decision.
Now, I also have to tell you that there are a number of adoptive parents, who, in deference, or in honor to the birth mother will use, at least for a middle name, a name that the birth mother chooses, if it is really important to her that that name be included.
I hope that is helpful. Yogi and I are always here to answer questions.