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RHONDA: And it was never a question of what I really wanted. What I really wanted was to have the baby and be a mom. I wanted to be a parent I think, just like most mom's, you know, or most women who are pregnant and make a decision to carry a pregnancy. It--I think it surprises people. It wasn't about not wanting to do that. It was about realizing that I just wasn't capable of it at that particular point in time.
So it wasn't that I didn't want the baby or that I didn't want to be a mom or that I didn't want to parent. It was that I simply--I just couldn't do it. And you know, even after all these years and now having a family and hopefully being a little bit more mature, it still was one of the most difficult decisions, one of the most heart-wrenching. And I think it was really hard to know that at the age that I was, with the education that I had, that I just wasn't capable. I just could not possibly give a baby everything that they needed to have.
And you know, Steve says to me a lot that, you know, had I have chosen to parent the baby, you know, Zach would've been just fine. And we still disagree on that. And I explained to him that it takes so much more than just the desire to be a mom. It takes much more than just wanting to be a parent. And I had all the desire in the world. And I had all the love that it possibly, that I needed to have. I just didn't have the maturity. And it was maturity. I just didn't have it. I didn't have--I knew that I would not be able to come home at the end of a long day and be the kind of mom that I am now.
